Depressione
by sakurakasai
Summary: Oneshot. Kagome has has had to deal with a lot lately. Now one small mistake will change her. The world she knew has broken and she will never be able to piece it back together. rated T for safety for slight suicidal thoughts.


**A/N: **Sumimasen.This is kinda emo. It's told in Kagome's point of view.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha characters. They belong solely to Rumiko Takahashi. (She is the richest woman in Japan).

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Depressione

Depression.

I think I've finally figured out what's wrong with me. I'm suffering. I want out. Death has been on my mind a lot lately. Today was the day when I finally cracked. I realize what's wrong with me now, and strangely enough, I'm okay with it. I don't care. No one shall ever know about this anyway. I'll go to school tomorrow and mask my feelings with my usual façade. Everything will be just fine.

Today was the day where my world shattered. For the past few weeks, my "perfect" life has slowly but steadily been falling apart. What was once a small hairline crack has turned into an irreversible break. My life is like a mirror. It got hit a few times and was scratched in the process. But that's everyone's life isn't it? That's what to be expected, for life is a rough place. We can't hide under the FRAGILE label forever. However, my mirror is gradually beginning to fall apart. Slowly, shard by shard, my mirror is breaking.

Who is to blame for this? I blame myself a bit, but mainly I accuse my mother. I came home from Ayame's house today around seven p.m. it was my fault that okaa-san was angry with me. I didn't call her and because of that, the rest of the day fell. Made her late for something important and this caused others to wait for her. Then she had to come pick me up from Ayame's house. This she was not happy about either.

My brother was in the car because he apparently isn't old enough to stay home by himself, yet. Okaa-san was cold to me on the drive home. For once, Souta was quiet. I was grateful for this. When okaa-san spoke to me, she sounded bitter and angry. She said some things to me. They made me feel awful. I had already apologized several dozen times, but okaa-san was not in a forgiving mood.

Because of me, there was no dinner. Okaa-san was just going to make Souta a sandwich. I made my way to my room to change clothes. I had to walk quite a bit to get back to Ayame's. There was a large patch of black ice that had not melted. In my haste, I slipped and fell. A jerk honked his horn at me. I flipped him off. My socks and skirt were wet and dirty. There was a mixture of salt and slush coating them.

As I make my way up the stairs, okaa-san asks me what I want for dinner. I tell her I am not hungry. This was the truth. She pushed me to the point in guilt where I didn't want to eat. She made me feel like I didn't deserve to eat. She tells me I need to eat something and I say that I will. Eventually.

I change into comfortable pants and a tank top. It's thirty degrees out, and yet I still wear sleeveless tops. After I take out my earrings and brush my teeth. I have no intention of eating.

I crawled into my bed and curled into a ball. Then I broke. Self-loathing washed over me and I could not stop the tears once they started. I was cold. No matter what I did, I couldn't retain body heat. I wrapped my arms around myself trying to provide myself warmth. I was like ice and could not warm up. Sobs wracked my body and it became harder to breathe. I tried to comfort myself by thinking of tomorrow. Usually that helps. But this time it didn't. I couldn't picture a "tomorrow". I couldn't create a vision with myself moving on. It felt like everything would end. I contemplated going to the medicine cabinet and just start taking everything in there. I would die peacefully from overdose. That would be the only way I could take my life. Sure, I've been called a masochist, but I hate pain. I can't stand it.

My body wouldn't move. It stayed put, still curled up tight. Tears were no longer streaming. I regained control of my breathing and attempted to calm myself. It worked because I dozed off for an hour.

When I awoke, it was around 8:15 p.m. a few minutes later okaa-san came into my room. She was once again angry with me. She demanded to know why I was laying in bed. I did not answer. Then she asked me if I ate anything yet. When I told her no, she commanded that I eat something. Not wishing to infuriate her further, I went down to the kitchen and made a small bowl of Cheerios. I sat in front of the TV hoping to take my mind off things. I turned to some random station and ate my cereal. I felt numb. Everything around me was quiet. The TV was on, yet I could not hear a sound. Souta came down and turned the TV up. I still could hear nothing. The people's mouths were moving, yet they made no noise.

I brushed my teeth and once again made my way back to bed. Souta knocked softly on my door and called my name quietly. I ignored him. I do not feel like talking at the moment. Now I lay awake restless. I have promised myself that I will not break again. I need to hold onto the last fragment of my mirror. It's all I have left. Without it, my life will be plunged into darkness. Maybe, should the day come when the last shard breaks, I will finally be able to give in to sweet darkness. Maybe that will be the day when I can finally answer death's soothing call. But until then, I need to covet the last piece of the mirror I have. All I can do now is wait to see what tomorrow brings.

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---- F I N E ---- O W A R I ---- F I N ---- E N D ----

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A/N: Gomennasai. If this doesn't make too much sense to you then it's ok. I really didn't expect it to. I just needed to clear my head and my emotions. I'm better now. The fact that I used Kagome and Ayame in this fic is significant. This was written last Tuesday at like 11:24 p.m. I would really like some reviews though. They would make me feel better. © karenmitsukai.


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